Finding Catharsis

     

I have discovered that there are two truly great things in this world that help me find my catharsis. These would have to be jazz music and dancing. I have many loves, interests, and modes of self-expression some of them being kickboxing, speaking, composing, playing guitar, piano, singing, reading, and writing. But even with how important these things are to me I've discovered that they seem to have the opposite result of the cleansing or purging feeling of catharsis.
      I think I'm going to back up. So passion...I think passion can be split into two categories being: cathartic passion and absorbent passion. Passion in and of itself is the presence of intense emotion, but for me, passion has always been more of a verb and less of a noun. Passion inspires me to act, to react, to fight for something, or to express. In this sense, I think that the actions inspired by passion can either be exergonic or endergonic (forgive me if those words are totally misused). I believe all passion releases energy. If passion itself, or intense emotion, is akin to potential energy then what we do with our passion is the exergonic or endergonic flow of that energy. So catharsis or the point at which we are purged, cleansed, or purified is like an exergonic reaction. We've acted in a way so as to release the passionate energy or emotion bottled inside of us. Absorption, or the act of taking in and making a part of ourselves, is like an endergonic reaction. We've done something that inspires or creates passionate energy within us.
      So for me, I've mostly stayed on the side of absorbent passion. Kickboxing pumps me up. Speaking makes me feel empowered, alive, and heard. To compose I have to summon all the emotion I am capable of feeling so that I can perhaps capture a song that will touch anyone who hears it. Playing guitar, piano, and singing, could be cathartic I suppose but for me, they've always led me to further thought and self-evaluation, not really catharsis. And of course, reading is absorbing others passions and thoughts while writing for me is merely discovering and rearranging my passion so that I can understand it, often resulting in once again more to think about.
      Lately, though, I've discovered at least two of my cathartic passions. Jazz has always had a special place in my heart. Recently I've discovered the wonders of Kenny G but ever since I was little I remember waking up on a Saturday morning to Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and other crooners with my dad singing along while making breakfast in the kitchen. Perhaps it's the memories associated with Jazz music or maybe it's just an aphrodisiac but either way for me listening to jazz music is finding my catharsis. A contagious bass beats to the pounding of my heart and a sax weaves intricate and free flowing melodies that carry away my thoughts and leave me to simply feel. In Jazz, there's a release and escape. I become the music and for a short time, I am cleansed.

This is my cousin McKell, an amazing Dancer

      And then there's dance. I've always loved dance but has proven to be more of a recent opportunity for me at BYU. Isadora Duncan said, "Man must speak, then sing, then dance. The speaking is the brain. The singing is the emotion. The dancing is the Dionysian ecstasy which carries away all." I firmly believe this. When I dance, whether it be folk dancing, hip-hop, ballroom, or contemporary I have a moment to forget my worries, my identity, and my inhibitions and simply move. Dancing is being alive. The pulsing blood and smell of sweat as you're surrounded by those who only desire to move. The energy is compelling but the longer you dance the more tightly fatigue grasps you. When I dance I feel like a live wire. Emotion and passion flows through me like an electric current. It courses through my blood and passes through my heart. And as it is delivered to the tips of my fingers and toes I merely flick it away. When I dance I'm left exhausted but it is a pleasant weakness. The pain of my depleted muscles is enlivening for now I can become stronger. The weariness in my bones is comforting because now I can sleep deeply. I can give no more and now require only rejuvenation. But I feel whole because I am empty. I no longer am bursting at the seams with ideas, thoughts, emotions, dreams, and wishes. I am purged and though they will soon return for now I've found my catharsis.
      I believe there is a place for all passion, cathartic passion and absorbent passion. Each serves a purpose, for they grant us purpose. One is to feel and encompass who we are and the other to appreciate when we have released all that we are. One releases, one absorbs. Losing oneself in absorption and at other times simply finding catharsis.


p.s. definitely check these out, they're just some of my favorite jazz songs and dances but there are of course so many more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=447yaU_4DF8&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io1o1Hwpo8Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLWJ0DJKzco
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNdIaSljjio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpEcgxOa-qM

-Natalie Cherie

Just the Beginning

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board."

      It's officially my second day in Twin Falls, Idaho. I just finished my freshman year at BYU and coming home has been a very surreal experience. I've felt kind of lost in a state of limbo trying to find where I truly am. I feel at certain moments, like when Tanner read me poetry by J.R.R. Tolkien, or when Brittney ran up and hugged me when I got home, or when I sang Hushabye Mountain to Jason to get him to stop crying, or when I was talking to my parents about my college experiences, that I'm very much at home and most certainly enjoying it. But at other moments, like when I'm about to fall asleep, or when I wake up to Spencer's text saying, "Good Morning Darling :)," or when Travis calls me to express his disappointment for my lack of forethought on how many no bake cookies he was capable of consuming, or when Kenyon texts me devious suggestions on the timing of a controversial pixie haircut, or when all is quiet and I'm simply lost in thought, that I'm very far away. Sometimes I find myself back in Provo or lost in a memory, but either way, it seems that this two-way pull of my thoughts and my mind's eye will become a common occurrence.

But it seems as though this split call for my attention might prove to be a blessing in disguise. First, my musings necessitate that I stay busy. Thinking is a wonderful pass time but should always inspire action, thus I itch to be busy. It's nice because I find an endless supply of motivation for my endless projects whether that is studying French, working full time, exercising daily, doing temple work for my grandma's endless stack of names, being involved in my college ward, road-tripping to Provo and Rexburg, or spending time with my family. Second, my musings create a rich well of inspiration. With so much to contemplate my writing and music composition has picked up again.

This leads me to think about the simple joys of being home. In one word, possibility. The possibilities are all stretched out before me. I have an entire summer of girl nights with Mom and Brittney, and McKenzie when she visits, and an entire summer of action packed/superhero nights with Dad, Jason, and Tanner. In short, the best of both worlds. I'm hoping to start saving up for my study abroad and of course, I'm going to get in sick shape so I'm ready to jump back into folk dancing! I'll get to hear all about Jerusalem from Spencer and hopefully get to have a few crazy and unexpected adventures of my own. And most importantly I'm writing it all down. Busy, I think yes!

 So here are my goals for the summer:

• Take a Self Defense Class in attempt to finally beat Spencer at wrestling
• Get ready for Folk Dance Clinic
• Go to the Temple every week to help Grandma with her stack of names
• Finish writing my story (about freshman year)
• Work full time and save for Study Abroad in England
• Get involved in my College Ward
• Road-Trip!
• Scrapbook my Freshman Year
• Study French (I hope it'll finally click.) :)
• Be spontaneous and have adventures (especially if they're out of my comfort zone)!

Well, in short, bring it on! Because this summer is just the beginning.

-Natalie Cherie