Chapter Seven: In which we kill all the spiders and get lost continually although we are not British soldiers.

After eight days of travel and 50 hours of driving, Spencer and I arrived in Belmont, Massachusetts. It was the evening of August 11, and we were tired. We had been told that the door was open, so we chose to walk in and explore our new apartment.

We already knew that the apartment was only 350 square feet, but knowing that and seeing that are two very different things. I was immediately worried about how we'd fit all of our things. Knowing that you'll not really have a kitchen and seeing your not-kitchen are also quite different. I didn't know if I d ever eat a real meal again. Other reality check included the difference between living in a basement in a desert and living in a basement in a humid region. You could almost smell the humidity like a moist, warm blanket of fresh spores shoving its way into our lungs and nostrils and seeping from our glands. And finally, I knew there would be more bugs, but with cobwebs in nearly every corner and multiple spiders spotted, I nearly had a breakdown. Instead, I made Spencer kill every spider I saw, and we unloaded nearly half of our truck.

It became dark quickly. And with the dark came the reality that I would have to go to sleep. I couldn't shower for fear of spiders, and I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in our spider-infested apartment. After breaking down in sobs at seeing and making Spencer kill another spider in the bathroom, I just knew I couldn't do it. I had to go home.

It was keenly ironic to me, even in the moment, that I was the one who had brought us here with my goals and opportunities, yet I was the one falling apart and wishing for home. Spencer held it together, though I'm sure he was struggling too. Perhaps I can blame it on my severe phobia of spiders, perhaps I can blame it on prolonged stress and exhaustion, but no matter what the cause I had not yet gained the fortitude necessary to face this with any shred of composure. After many reassurances and attempts to reason with me, Spencer convinced me to get in bed. After checking the bed and walls for spiders, I got into our bed in my sweaty stickiness and pulled the sheets tightly around me. Luckily, we had a box fan unpacked, but even so, I was miserable. Sleep was fleeting. I woke up hour after hour, being plagued with horrific dreams of spiders attacking me, crawling all over me, and eating me. One spider almost got Spencer, and I yelled myself and Spencer awake. It took me a while to realize it wasn't real and that Spencer was safe.

By the morning, I was determined to make a change. So Spencer and I set to work destroying every last cobweb and spider. My mantra was, "Kill it! Kill it with fire!" even though I or usually Spencer just sucked up the soulless beasts with the vacuum hose. After vacuuming, wiping down the windows and other pieces of furniture, and killing all the spiders, we continued moving in. Spencer's brother Caleb had come down from Maine to help us, bringing fly paper and Martinelli's sparkling cider as house-warming gifts. He helped us move in the last half of our boxes, take our moving truck back, and even unpack a bit. We took a food break at 5 Guys, very needed, and had a really productive day. Just having a familiar face in our new environment was comforting, and his help and support meant a lot to us.

Since then, we have continued to find and kill spiders, even though their numbers are dwindling. We also spent an entire day unpacking. When our landlord's realized that we could benefit from more storage space, they cleared out a large cubby area for our use. They also got us a dehumidifier to help us survive while we attempted to acclimate. They purchased nails and wall mounts, so we could put up our art, and helped us acquire a burner, bed frame, and box-spring of sorts. With their help and our diligence, we finally found a place for everything, whether out or in storage, and our little apartment is finally livable and even cozy. I'm also loving having a piano! And I adore my Japanese and Chinese art wall. :)

Once we had finally settled into and addressed some of the immediate difficulties of our apartment, we began to explore the area. First stop, an ice cream shop. And yes, we got lost. Getting lost here is inevitable! All of the streets wind and twist, change names halfway through, and only irregularly (at best) post street signs. Supposedly this is because the locals took down the street sign in order to confuse the British army back during the Revolutionary War, and now the city won't put the signs back up for the sake of historicity. It may be a myth, but either way, getting lost here is basically our pastime. We did eventually find the ice cream shop though, and I even learned the original name for Oreos, which is Hydrox.

On Sunday, we had to walk to church since we didn't know anyone in the ward yet to ask for a ride. So we set out at 1;00 p.m. since church started at 2:00 p.m. Somewhere along the way, we took a wrong turn, making our 2 1/2 mile walk in the hot sun become a 4-mile walk. By the time we arrived, we'd missed Sacrament meeting and I was foot-sore, blistered, and devastated. No grid, no street signs, no mountains! I was feeling very grumpy when a kind man named Clayton Christensen (the professor at Harvard Business School) introduced himself. He quickly learned our names, that we had just moved in, and that we had walked. "You walked all that way in this heat and humidity!? I'll be giving you a ride home." Seriously, I almost cried right then and there, I was so grateful. He then proceeded to introduce us to lots of people with the caveat, "Such-and-such, can you believe they walked all the way here today?" At which point that person would offer us a ride home. :) Soon our tremendous walk because of the legendary heresay of the ward. Needless to say, our ward is fantastic! It seems that the Lord, without our knowing or planning, has led us to the Mormon Mecca of Massachusetts. We were immediately invited to dinner (such a blessing when you don't have much of a kitchen), told of everyone who lived near us, had suggestions for a future carpool, and provided with a list of leads for Spencer's job hunt. We also discovered that we have quite a few Harvard professors, well-known news anchors, vocal performers, musicians, and other pseudo-famous individuals like Mitt Romney's son in our ward. Oh, and we'll be having a Clambake in early September! Clambakes are a real thing, and I am so pleased. :) I wonder if they'll have baked clams; if they don't I'll feel deeply betrayed.

Other aspects of settling in:

• Spencer and I got our library cards! We love libraries. :) We have checked out and are now watching a BBC mini-series called Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell which is based on a fantastic book by Susanna Clarke that I recommend to everyone.
• We found the grocery store and have started biking around town! And we aren't getting lost as much. :D
• We got Charlie Cards, which make public transit cheaper and easier to pay for. We used said Charlie Cards to try out my bus route to Cambridge. Once off the bus, we promptly got lost. We did eventually find the Divinity School, and I made my interview on time!  
• As hinted at, I had a second interview. Though I was already offered a job with Religions and the Practice of Peace, I was invited for an interview with an administrative assistant position with the Office of Communications. It has more hours and higher pay and more closely aligns with my resume and interests, so I was thrilled. The interview went splendidly, and I was offered the job! Yay for good jobs. :)
• Crockpot meals rock!
• I've also been spending a lot of time editing a novel I acquired right before we moved. So Spencer has gone to the library to use their public computers to look for and apply for jobs. 
• I found a pharmacy and transferred prescriptions.
• We found a cheap pizza place called Comella's.
• I registered! August 22 was registration, which is essentially just place-holding the classes you're interested in. We then go to all the classes we're interested in for a week and decide if we actually want to enroll. I've registered for 8 classes that I'm totally thrilled to try out, and I will probably end up registering for 4 or 5 tops. For those interested in my classes, I have registered for 1) Theories and Methods in the Study of Religion, 2) Virginia Woolf and Religion, 3) Back Roads to Far Places: Literature of Journey and Quest, 4) Gender, Sexuality, and Mormonism, 5) Animated Spirituality: Japanese Religion in Anime, Manga, and Film, 6) Love and Nothingness, 7) Elementary Classical Hebrew, and 8) Religion, Gender, and Politics in Transnational Perspective.

Now for what is quickly becoming my traditional moment of transparency. To be honest, this move has been really difficult for me, and I have not put forward my best self. I've complained a lot, silly since this is my doing, my opportunity, and my dream. But I've complained and buckled under the stress anyway. It's been really hard on Spencer. Luckily, the hardest part of adjusting to a new space or lack thereof, a new diet based on kitchen restrictions, the spider nightmares, the stifling humidity, the frequency with which we get lost, and the isolation now that we have to (after years) actually try to make friends again has ebbed. And Spencer and I are doing better for it. I've curbed my gut reaction to say, "I want to go home" every time something is difficult because this is my home now. And I've really done some soul-searching regarding how to develop fortitude. 

Never in my life have I tried to keep in contact with so many people. I'm writing two missionaries weekly and monthly. I'm writing a friend and trying to find time to call my family as well as four or five other friends. I'm writing this blog to reach out to everyone else I love. But I still feel like I'm missing, a part of me is missing. I miss the mountains of the Wasatch front and the red and rocky landscape of Southern Utah. I miss the excitement of rain and the looming shadows of mountains both near and far. I miss the brown that made the splash of green such a miracle, such a blessing. I miss the safety of having a place, of having friends who knew and loved you on good days and bad days. I miss watching Alan Rickman films and going to Pioneer Book with Abby; talking with Paige about my newest hankering for a haircut; discussing my life and worries with Caroline; watching anime with Thayne, Jon, and Abby, or playing games with CT. I miss D&D with Cub, Dan, Jake, Melanie, Kent, Quina . . . like a lot. I miss being close to my family and thinking of times when I can snag some time to play Mice and Mystics or frisbee with Tanner and Jason, or go to lunch with McKenzie, or talk to Mom and Dad. I miss knowing a place and feeling a sense of community with my neighbors like I did with Michael and Michaiah and the many other couples we knew and loved. I miss serving in the singles' ward and seeing everyone I loved there. I miss knowing where I'm going and what a place has to offer and being involved and mobile and actively engaged in a community.

But as I contemplate everything that I miss, I realize that I'm glad I miss it. This deep love for a place and the people there show time well spent and relationships well tended. I also realize that missing such things motivates me to create such a life in Belmont, Massachusetts. I'm especially grateful that many of these things are not only possible but are already happening here. We have already been introduced to a sense of community through our ward, and Spencer and I will make more friends through school, work, and church. Caleb lives close by, so we'll be able to see at least one member of our family once a month. And the craggy rocks and dense trees here are so beautiful. I can't even tell you how excited I am for New England fall fashion, site-seeing, lighthouses, leaves changing color, challenging school courses and engagement, and sailing (Spencer and I would be Persuasion if we were a Jane Austen novel).

While reading Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, I found a passage of note in my current circumstance. "Growth has not only rewards and pleasures, but also many intrinsic pains and always will have. Each step forward is a step into the unfamiliar and is thought of as possibly dangerous. It also frequently means giving up something familiar and good and satisfying. It frequently means a parting and a separation with consequent nostalgia, loneliness, and mourning. It also often means giving up a simpler and easier and less effortful life in exchange for a more demanding, more difficult life. Growth forward is in spite of these losses and therefore requires courage strength in the individual, as well as protection, permission, and encouragement from the environment . . ." So here's to having courage and fortitude on the road of growth. We're all on it, but sometimes it includes nearly perishing from the humidity, killing all the spiders, getting lost although I'm not a British soldier, and becoming instant legends in your new ward because you walked four miles in the heat and humidity of the day to get to church. 

No, I have not reached sainthood, but all I'm saying is that this better get me close.